The following is taken from my journal (slightly edited) on Friday 18th of May 2007. It describes what I was going through the day I was heading off to a Women’s Conference that I didn’t want to go to, and I was wondering why the heck I had booked it the year before! As you may have read in earlier posts, I don’t like women’s conferences – the speakers are always great, but it’s all the fluff and bubble that goes around it that I dislike considerably! However, this post is not about that stuff, it is the story behind the writing of the poem ‘My God’.
Sunday 26 August 2007
I was at church without T this morning (without T – nothing unusual there, what’s unusual these days is if he’s well enough to cope with coming!) Anyway, after church I spent time talking with the pastor – he’s really good at listening and genuinely interested and caring in you and what you have to say; he has time for you and that’s really nice. I told him about our plans for travelling around Australia, what makes me come alive, what’s been ‘killing’ me and that with T suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome, what sort of help would be useful to us.
Okay, a couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called ‘A Gift From God’ about his provision of a holiday for us. Now we haven’t gone yet, and I was at the point where I just wanted to cancel the whole thing, I didn’t want to go any more, it was all too hard. For the last two days I have been dreading this holiday. Not the holiday itself, but the preperation and the packing. The more I thought about all the things that had to be done so we could go away, (and the list was ENORMOUS) the more I was dreading getting ready – there was so much to do and with T pretty much out of the picture for that sort of stuff (a chronic fatigue syndrome sufferer), it was all my baby to organise and make happen. And me, I’m one of those people who puts off those things that are daunting me, I go all “ostrich” (bury my head in the sand and hope it will fix itself while I’m not looking!) I don’t know why I persist in doing it, it hasn’t worked yet and at 37 I’ve had plenty of experience of it not working – you’d have thought I’d have figured it out by now!
This is a brief paragraph about the poem “Victorious” first written on June 18th, 2007 – if you want the full story, read The Story Behind The Poem “Victorious”.
More spiritual warfare – I knew I needed to stand firm and fight, but I didn’t, well not at first anyway. I let the attack wash over me and I fell apart. In the midst of the turmoil I saw the words, “Write it down” and I knew that this fight could be won by writing it down. So I did, and ‘Victorious’ was born.
Click on “Victorious” to open the poem in a new window.
The poem is in Adobe Acrobat format. If you can’t open the poem, then you can download a free reader
Recently (in the last few weeks) I went driving down to the shops (something I have to do much more often than I would choose to do) I asked myself, “who am I?” and I answered myself, “I am a child of God!” And it felt sooooo good!!
So I said out loud to myself all the way down to the shops, “I am a child of God!” I told it to myself while I was shopping and I shopped with a smile on my face. Even now, weeks later it still feels just as good and brings a smile to my face, and a few goosebumps too!
I am a child of God! I am a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come!! And I am free!!! I feel it too, somehow lighter, somehow newer, somehow freer. And it’s totally awesome.